Mastering Emotional Control: A Guide for Men

Emotions can be powerful and overwhelming, especially for men who are often taught to suppress their feelings which leads to unexpected outbursts of emotion. However, mastering emotional control is essential for personal growth, healthy relationships, and especially to keep ourselves out of trouble. The greatest leaders knew how to control their emotions and those of their followers. Emotions shortcut our brains and lead directly to our souls. In this guide, we will explore practical steps that men can take to learn how to control their emotions and think critically when their feelings are heightened. 

Why Is Emotional Control Important?

Emotional control is crucial because our emotions often dictate our actions and decisions. When we let our emotions run wild, we may say or do things that we later regret. On the flip side, controlling our emotions allows us to think about the best possible route regardless of how it makes us feel. By learning to control our emotions, we can respond to situations in a more thoughtful and rational manner.

Understanding The Role of Emotions

1. Emotions Influence Thoughts: Emotions intertwine with our thoughts and memories. According to Wang & Ross (2007), emotions color our memories, influencing how we recall facts. This emotional 'neural glue' makes it easier to remember certain thoughts when we are in a matching emotional state, for instance, recalling happy memories when happy. Emotions also shape our attitudes, values, and beliefs, providing meaning to them. However, intense emotions can impede our ability to think critically (Matsumoto, Hirayama, & LeRoux, 2006).

2. Emotions Motivate Future Behaviors: Emotions don't just affect our immediate actions; they are significant motivators for future behavior. Positive emotions like satisfaction, joy, and pride drive us to replicate actions that led to these feelings. Conversely, we actively avoid actions that previously resulted in negative emotions. This motivational aspect of emotions guides both our short and long-term actions.

3. Interpersonal Functions of Emotion: Emotions play a critical role in our social interactions. They are expressed verbally and nonverbally through facial expressions, gestures, and body language. Research by Elfenbein & Ambady (2002) and Matsumoto (2001) shows that people can reliably interpret these emotional expressions. Emotions serve as signals in relationships, conveying information about feelings, intentions, and the nature of interpersonal dynamics. Keltner (2003) notes that emotions solve social problems by eliciting responses from others, indicating the quality of relationships, and motivating desired social behavior.

In essence, emotions are integral to our thought processes, future behavior, and social interactions, shaping our experiences and relationships significantly.

“Don't speak negatively about yourself, even as a joke. Your body doesn't know the difference. Words are energy and they cast spells, that's why it's called spelling. Change the way you speak about yourself, and you can change your life.” - Bruce Lee

Ways to control your emotions

1. Identify and Name Emotions: 

Begin by acknowledging your feelings. Recognize what you are experiencing and label the emotion. If you are feeling anger, identify it as anger, and then label it for what it is (insulted, humiliated, ridiculed, etc). This recognition can provide clarity and help create a psychological distance from the emotion.

2. Develop Self-Awareness:

Reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Understand why you feel a certain way and its impact on your actions. Recognizing the root cause of your emotions is key to managing them effectively. Think about how the feelings are altering your critical thinking and making you act in a way that isn't authentic to the way you normally act and be conscious of it. 

3. Adopt Mental Models:

Utilize mental frameworks to shift your perspective and enhance critical thinking. Consider the situation from different viewpoints, such as empathizing with others, to gain a broader understanding of the emotional context. I personally like to think about the situation from the other person's view. What are their motivations? Would I do or say the same things they are if I were in their situation? This usually brings a level of understanding and allows me to rationalize the interaction. 

4. Pause and Reflect Before Acting: 

In moments of high emotion, resist the urge to react impulsively. Take a step back to consider if your potential actions are in line with your values and if they would be the same in a calmer state. Oftentimes, people act before thinking, especially when emotions are involved, which leads to a lot of problems. A lot of people in jail are there due to their emotions overtaking them and making them act in ways they wouldn't normally. Crimes of passion are a perfect example. Sometimes we get emotional and take out those feelings towards our loved ones, which usually ends up badly. Take a second to think before acting, and then consider the other person. 

5. Practice Self-Care: 

Engage in activities that promote relaxation and well-being, like exercise, meditation, or spending time outdoors. Another good strategy is taking time away from people, especially those that tend to get you off-center. Taking time away can clear your energy / your mind, and recenter yourself allowing you to act in your normal manner again. Maintaining your physical and mental health is crucial in managing your emotions, so guard them wisely. 

6. Identify Emotional Triggers:

Notice patterns or situations that frequently evoke strong emotions. Oftentimes it is people, but it can also be places or things. Sometimes the dog barks, or the car won't start, or the bills pile up. These things can add up causing our emotions to always be heightened. Finding ways to correct these issues, or avoid them, are sometimes all we need. Learn to identify what is causing you stress day to day, then find a way to get rid of it. Understanding these triggers can help in reducing their impact or avoiding them where possible.

7. Be Mindful of Physical Well-being: 

Pay attention to basic needs like hunger or fatigue, which can intensify emotions. Have you ever been "hangry?" So have I. When I am hangry, I act like they do in the Snickers commercials. Make sure you aren't lacking basic physical needs before going into stressful situations. Addressing these physical aspects can alter your emotional response.

8. Rethink the Narrative: 

Challenge the stories you tell yourself, especially in uncertain situations. Consider alternative explanations or perspectives to avoid jumping to negative conclusions. 

I always like to think about the other person's point of view before jumping to conclusions. We often think that people should act in OUR best interests when we all mostly act in our own selfish self-interests. Thinking about the situation from the other point of view can avoid lots of arguments where it might seem that the other person was being selfish or disrespectful when it was actually harmless. 

1. Sad, Happy, Sad - DSS

9. Positive Self-Talk: 

Replace negative internal dialogue with affirming and empathetic self-talk. We are what we talk about all day. There is an idea in the self-improvement/spirituality community that "we are what we think about." There is more truth to that than people realize. Bruce Lee once said, “Don't speak negatively about yourself, even as a joke. Your body doesn't know the difference. Words are energy and they cast spells, that's why it's called spelling. Change the way you speak about yourself, and you can change your life.” Speak into the world what you want, and how you want it...the universe will listen. 

10. Choose Your Response:

Recognize that you have the power to choose how you respond in emotional situations. Experiment with different, more constructive reactions to see how they affect both you and others involved. The response with the least amount of emotion in it is typically a safe bet. 

11. Consider Therapy: 

If self-regulation becomes challenging, seeking the assistance of a therapist can be beneficial. Professional guidance can help in developing more effective emotional regulation strategies. It can also help get to the bottom of what is causing the emotions to rise, where they stem from, how to handle them, and long-term strategies to identify the problems and deal with them. 

We hope you enjoyed this article! If you found some value in it, please share it with your friends and loved ones, or simply someone who needs some help with controlling their emotions. Tell us how you control your emotions in stressful situations down below in the comments. Be sure to check out some of our other articles!